What 10 Days of Silence Taught me About Leadership
In a world of connectivity, leaders are in constant communication with their teams. But what if I told you that 10 days of silence and solitude taught me more about leadership than all of my training to date on leading high-performing teams?
Would you be curious to know what “doing nothing” can do for you?
Let’s back up to the beginning of 2019. I was getting divorced. My home stress was impacting the quality of my work as well as taking a toll on my physical health. The pain of this separation marked the beginning of a 3 year journey of self-exploration.
Fast forward to present - a 10 day silent meditation retreat sounded like exactly what I needed to continue deeper in my process of self-transformation.
#VanLife
I was excited to do the Vipassana retreat after seeing the changes it produced in my partner - he seemed calmer, more patient, and he even stopped snoring! I had been waitlisted for the same retreat so after dropping him off I drove off in our Sprinter van with our pup, Woolly.
While Arthur sat in silence and contemplated his nostrils, Woolly and I set out on our grand adventure exploring Vancouver Island.
I signed up for a mountain bike lesson,
Crashed a wedding in the woods,
Went skinny dipping in Lake Cowichan,
Lounged in a lake surrounded by newts,
Choked on lake water while attempting a kiteboarding lesson, and
Cared for Woolly while he threw up hourly after eating too much dirt. Not his best day.
The Hardest Part
Months later, I was accepted into the Northwest Vipassana Center for my first retreat. My family had laughed at the idea of me not speaking for a full 10 days, but in truth the silence wasn’t the hardest part of the retreat. Even the elimination of distractions - no books, no writing, no music, no exercise, no yoga - was not the hardest part. What was most difficult was sitting cross-legged on the floor, back upright, eyes closed, and not moving for a full hour.
Vipassana Instruction
The first three days of instruction were dedicated to Anapana or “breath awareness.” This was the method Buddha used 2500 years ago to sharpen the mind.
Try it out:
Draw your awareness to your nose and pay particular attention to the entrance of the nostrils and the area of the upper lip just below the nostrils. Do you feel the subtle movement of air? Does the temperature change when you breathe in versus out?
With our minds finely tuned to sense the tiniest of sensations we were ready to begin Vipassana or “seeing clearly“ on day 4. This involved scanning the body from the top of the head to the feet and then returning back up to the top of the head.
Try it out:
Starting at the top of the head take your awareness through each part of the body, piece by piece, until you reach your toes. After several rounds of feeling each part you can begin to flow through the body continuously as you scan up and down.
What’s Here Besides Now?
We’ve all heard “the only constant is change.” Vipassana dedicates a lot of time to the concept of Anicha or “impermanence.” People and possessions will flow into and out of our lives. This simple concept is easy to accept but how does it feel to lose something or someone significant to us? We resist this reality.
Sitting with the sensations of the body as they arise and disappear teaches us to embody the law of impermanence.
Misery is a Manufactured State
The survival of our species historically depended on this basic code: move towards pleasure and move away from pain. This notion becomes problematic when we begin to cling to a desire and it grows into a craving - we seek out the pleasurable sensation. Or we push away pain and this grows into an aversion - we avoid unpleasant sensation.
In both cases we end up trying to exert control and change the present moment to be something other than it is.
This creates misery.
Quick! Do Nothing!
So what does all this have to do with leadership? Well, how often do you react in the heat of the moment rather than pausing to collect yourself and respond?
Let’s say someone from your team just discovered an unexpected obstacle in your roadmap. Do you reactively jump into action to “solve the problem?”
What if your sales force doesn’t hit their quota for the month - do you angrily demand answers? Do you “mobilize the troops” to pursue a market segment outside of your strategic focus?
Being highly reactive in the face of unwanted news is a form of pushing away discomfort. As a leader you want to move strategically to solve problems rather than reacting impulsively and letting your emotions dictate your decisions.
Think about how you’re making decisions. How are you communicating these with your team? Would your relationships at work and your ability to get things done improve if you could respond rather than react?
Most likely, a resounding yes.
True Leaders Ask Questions
The next time you receive bad news at work, take a 60-second timeout.
Try it out:
Begin at the top of your head and start scanning down as you look for sensations in the body. If you’re feeling angry how does that appear? Do you feel hot? What is happening to your breath? Watch your internal landscape as this emotion moves through you. Don’t push the sensation away, but remain present to your experience.
Then return to the room, take a deep breath, and get curious with questions.
